If you know a caregiver, choose today to applaud what they do. (Yay, Deb!)
On a lighter note, here's a bit of humor that's passed through my e-mail inbox several times before. Like the humor on South Park, its aim is equal opportunity; if you feel excluded, let me know and we'll work a rewrite for next year. We all can use a laugh - and hey, it's not political in the slightest!
Hello, and thank you for calling the [insert your location here] State Hospital. Please select from the following options menu:If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want; stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, hang up. It doesn't matter which number you press; nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 8. If you have short-term memory loss, press 8. If you have short-term memory loss, press 8.
If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But please wait for the beep.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blond, please don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.
1 comment:
Aw. Thanks for the nod.
There's a couple of new ones on this list that I hadn't seen before.
I'd like to make a couple edits.
If you have dependent personality disorder, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you are co-dependent, find someone who keeps trying to use his/her tongue to press the button, and needs a lot of expensive, painful dental work as a result. Call and make the appointment, give your own credit card number to guarantee payment, take a vacation day from work to drive him/her to the appointment, get really really hurt and angry when you're not showered with gratitude, and he/she is still in bed with a swollen tongue when you get there to pick him/her up. Press every single fucking button yourself, because dammit someone has to, while he/she is lying there next to you, licking the phone.
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